and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
