You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
