i came on her dog
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
