dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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