Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize