My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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