you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
