I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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