you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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