im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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