wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
