As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
