I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
