So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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