You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
