So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
