Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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