is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
