saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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