so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
