He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
