I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
