I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
