i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize