At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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