he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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