The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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