Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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