I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
