So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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