She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
