It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
