Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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