even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
