i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
