singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
