those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
