How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
