I cockslap morals
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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