she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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