for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
