I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
