Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Randomize
