I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
