I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
