omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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