Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
