he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
