I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize