Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
