Your face is a jimmy john
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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