my mouth tastes like poor choices
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
