Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
did you just send me my own nude
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
