nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they're like a gay fantastic four
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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