Yo dont text me then not text me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
