I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
