Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
