I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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