I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
