I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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