Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize