There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
