this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They have beer where we have blood.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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