The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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