guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize