rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
