bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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