i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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