i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
