So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
