Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize