Your face is a jimmy john
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
