So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
