Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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