just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
