Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize