My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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