It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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