I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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