thus making me awesome and them whores
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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