i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
