just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
