yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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