I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
