She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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