I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
