On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you traded sex for a burrito?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
