We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
