Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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