If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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