Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
