Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
