just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
