my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
