Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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