One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
